He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.