If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
