i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
