Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
