I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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