batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I understand Curling. That high.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
