Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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