he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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