he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
