I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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