My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
