my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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