come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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