i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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