Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
