I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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