the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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