if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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