i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
he laminated a picture of his dick.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
