Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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