I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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