Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
