You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
