bring money and cleavage
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
