Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
