why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
