nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
