Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
