Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
