Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
