Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
