So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
