I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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