I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
