it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
The dick lei will go down in squad history
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
