census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Please don't give away my fajitas
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
