Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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