dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
