I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
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