his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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