You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
