I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
