I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
