We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
