It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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