just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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