I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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