hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
