thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
it's like heaven, but drunker
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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