Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
