you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
