halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
