I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I think I sprained my soul last night
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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