Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
