Kiss
Puke
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
