Apparently you make a good broom.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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