That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
