you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
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I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
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The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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