How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Randomize
