How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I touched a dick in church today
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