dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
