she was so not down for the gang bang
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
