I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
