mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
