i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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