Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I think my vagina is haunted
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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