Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
