Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
