i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
