i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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