just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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