The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
