i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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