I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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