The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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