my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
i think my cat just said my name.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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