You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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