Buhtt sex?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I supernannyed him into submission
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
