Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Randomize
