Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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