this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
