Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
