if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
