so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
