I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
