why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
